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Sitting infront of my computer today,

Made me feel somewhat out of way,

I’m missing someone I haven’t even seen,

Though it seems together we have always been.

We don’t know yet if it’s real,

Who knows if ours will someday be for real,

And I must say I am still afraid

Yet Thankful for that one who somehow made my fears fade.

I always think how is it like?,

To be with his arms around me tight,

How his green eyes tell me a lot,

That our souls want to separate not.

When I asked for light, I saw the light,

And guide me to where I should really be,

I think I found my way home…

Finally, a home who asked me not again to go.

I am what I am.

Ciao a tutti! come va? io? non si chiedere che sono stata contentissimo che essere in la mia vita…hehe…yeah right, u got it all right! My life is finally at the right track…whew! it was very exhausting twists and turns that really made my head spin almost unstoppable, but that was over.  Now, I may not have complete spoon fed kind of life but it is easier than it was. I can see things I haven’t then, and I think, those rollercoaster ride chapter is just neccessary for me to learn what I need to learn…that, is that I know a little, I’m not inferior or superior than anybody…and it’s not just what it is like from where u are standing, until you’ve seen what’s in it beyond…nothing is certain.

Alas! I didn’t give up, though I almost did…I wanna share to those who wanna listen, even to those who doesn’t, I just want to relay, share and not persuade. I LEARNED HOW TO LET GO…

Now, I’m quite busy executing plan A…working on plan B, that hopefully will push through so I won’t be using the next plan. My target MA graduation is March ‘09, atleast cum laude…if i didn’t got the title when i was in college due to several obstacles though I almost made it to, this time I wish I could…but I will do my best, God Bless Me!

Ciao a tutti! come va? io? non si chiedere che sono stata contentissimo che essere in la mia vita…hehe…yeah right, u got it all right! My life is finally at the right track…whew! it was very exhausting twists and turns that really made my head spin almost unstoppable, but that was over. Now, I may not have complete spoon fed kind of life but it is easier than it was. I can see things I haven’t then, and I think, those rollercoaster ride chapter is just neccessary for me to learn what I need to learn…that, is that I know a little, I’m not inferior or superior than anybody…and it’s not just what it is like from where u are standing, until you’ve seen what’s in it beyond…nothing is certain.

Alas! I didn’t give up, though I almost did…I wanna share to those who wanna listen, even to those who doesn’t, I just want to relay, share and not persuade. I LEARNED HOW TO LET GO…

Now, I’m quite busy executing plan A…working on plan B, that hopefully will push through so I won’t be using the next plan. My target MA graduation is on March ‘09, atleast cum laude…if i didn’t got the title when i was in college due to several obstacles though I almost made it to, this time I wish I could…but I will do my best, God Bless Me!

hay naku, all i wanna say is that i changed my manner of thinking…i mean, i’m into positives now.  i have had too many issues that really tested my strength in whatever aspect, i’ve learned from it.  i am thankful that i am beginning to see how wonderful life is despite the fact that i’ve been through a lot alone. Though some things i cannot change, like people keep talking bad about me, doing stuff that would make me feel bad, and keep trying to hurt me…i learned to accept the fact that i cannot stop them. BUT, i also learned that i can stop myself wallowing in the corner and instead, don’t mind those people.  I realized that i was just helping them to fulfill their negative expectations and making myself miserable.

Few days ago I was saddened by something that I felt is coming…weird.  I know, that’s what peepz keep telling me…fine, I mean, I’m fine with everythings that keep going bad or good…I learned all things are with Someone else’s hand.  Just yesterday I was talking to an old friend and figured out some point seems right.  That I stayed like this even if I did everything by the book because I don’t cry, that I do a little and just laugh at it right after, and that simply because I don’t want to accept…very well said.  It is because it is the only way I know to survive and that’s where I’m good at.  On top of all this, it is someone else’s opinion I don’t wanna contradict…but I know what’s real and not.  Maybe they just don’t know me well enough by that, they just thought they do, but the fact is, they don’t.  Stupid.  That’s what most people are, even if they don’t mean to. PEOPLE MAKE PEOPLE SEE WHAT THEY WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE.  I tell you this, I will not reveal how but believe it or not there is a definite way how, you just have to learn how. 

For a time I lost my faith, I doubted, I was furious!  It was because of the pains and sufferings i don’t know why? Everything I gained, I learned was like suddenly disappears.  I tried to hold on but everytime, it seems He’s not reaching out.  Each time I get hurt, I ask for protection but no answer.  I was left alone.  I was not just left alone, I also fought battles where opponents were the people you’ve trusted, cared, and loved.  How was it fighting that battle? I bet you don’t wanna know.  I know now the answers for every why’s? and how’s? I figured my way out.  I knew it all the while, I just don’t want to accept it.  Not that I don’t want, I was just not ready.  Those were denials we made when we find life is so tough, and we don’t wanna move on to progress.  We asks questions that never stops.  Until we are ready to leap that edge we create, we’ll never know what was there beyond what we just WANT to see.  After leaping that edge, you see and wonder why did you have to stay there that long?

People see me everyday with a wide smile and friendly same old but different me.  Mostly saying,"you haven’t changed!"…yeah, right.  I’ve changed. A lot.  Only, they can’t see it.  I don’t feel the same way I was here three years ago, kahit walang laman ang bulsa ko.  I thought someone will be happy to see me back again, and it was just a thought.  My life drastically changed without myself in it.  I thought this is where I belong…but the truth is, it WAS.  This is not a home anymore…and it breaks my heart.  I have to break their hearts too, because I need to.  Tragic, I know, but it have to…all I know is that, I’ve never ever thought these would happen. NEVER.

Time has come that finally I have figured out the greatest mystery in life.  That is to know who you really are.  The thing is that, now is the right time to let people know as well who I really am.  Pain will bring you there if you’ll  ask me.  I know I’m not gonna be the same again, but this is me.  I cannot undo what is done, and what to be done should be done.  I didn’t even liked myself at first when I notice the transformation, so I am not expecting people to like me now…but if I can’t accept myself for who I really am, who will?  Now, I quite understand and learning to love my new self…for this is who I am destined to be.  Each day I’m getting stronger though I falter, I’m scared but being scared I know you’re giving the best of yourself…so be it.  MAy God bless me.